Trapped in my own terror.

My boys spend the weekend at their Baba and Papas house. Blayne had to work and I took an art class. These weekends are important for everyone.

  1. They give they boys a chance to grow their relationship with their grandparents
  2. Making memories, in the end that’s all you’re left with
  3. Gives everyone a much-needed break from each other
  4. Let me regain some sanity.

But with these weekends I find that while I hope to regain my sanity, it seems to slip away from me even more. While I am eternally grateful for everything, these are the nights that my anxiety slips into overdrive. I imagine the worst, and what should be a nice relaxing uninterrupted sleep quickly turns into a night of tossing and turning, accompanied by nightmares. At least once during the night I have to get up and check that my children are in fact not home. I run through every scenario possible, each one ending in disaster.

The only thing that can bring me back from my terror is my husband, which is why on the nights that he falls asleep on the couch, or worse, gets called to work; I’m alone in my head. I wish I could say that these were the only times I experienced this. But it hits me all the time, often at the worst times.

But for now, my kids are tucked safely into their beds. I will go check on them to reassure myself that they are perfectly fine, and for the moments I can’t do that. I will always have my husband.

On the bright side I did make this awesome sign!

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Mad Mommy

One thought on “Trapped in my own terror.

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