The birth of baby #3 is quickly approaching and I find myself stressing over things people are doing, or worse yet what they are going to do. These last few weeks should be about spending time with my family and getting the last few things ready for baby. So take the following “suggestions” into consideration when dealing with a pregnant woman/new parent.
Don’t comment on their size – Unless you’re the husband or the doctor, you have no right to talk about their body, or the size of their stomach; or any other body part. I don’t care if you think they are huge or tiny, talk about it behind their back like a normal person – oh come on everyone does it.- They know how big they are, they look in the mirror every day. Pregnancy is a delicate, and emotional time, they don’t need your help with being self-conscious.
Don’t comment on the name of the baby – If you don’t like the name the parents have chosen just shut up. I promise hours of discussion has gone into the name they have chosen for their child to spend its life with. If you’re lucky enough to find out what the name is before the baby is born, respect the name. I spent the last few months agonizing over the name I was happy with before someone told me I was “what was wrong with the world” all because they didn’t like the name we chose.
Don’t comment on the sex of the baby – “Oh another boy/girl?! Guess you’ll have to try again.” Don’t assume that people are upset with the idea of another of any sex, you don’t have a 2nd or 3rd child or whatever child unless you want them regardless of the sex. Also, don’t assume it is okay to suggest they have another child.
Don’t ask if they’re breastfeeding – Another persons breasts and what they do with them is none of your concern. It is a personal decision based on a whole lot of factors. None of which are your problem. It is a question people hate answering, there is no right answer. I don’t care what your answer is, somebody has an opinion. I ended up getting a 30 minute lecture from my uncle of all people about how breast is best which ended in him telling me to ignore my doctor’s advice followed by me leaving.
Don’t ask how they’re feeling – Especially in the last month or so. Chances are they are going to lie and say they are fine despite how they feel. At this point most women are just done with being pregnant, and afterwards they probably feel exhausted at the very least.
Don’t show up unannounced – I don’t care who you are or what you think is okay, I promise it isn’t. Don’t show up unannounced, call or text first. Send smoke signals if you think that will work. But DO NOT show up without getting the okay. If you don’t get a response when you try to ask, don’t take that as a yes. It is a no. If I have to get up from a precious nap because you decided that visiting was okay I promise I will be hella grumpy.
Respect that they don’t want visitors – Add to this respect that they don’t want people waiting at the hospital. Literally 8 people had come and gone before I was even out of recovery with Hunter. 8 people had held my son before I did. This time I don’t want people even at the hospital until the next day. You only get those first moments once. Let the parents have them. Stay home and wait until you’re called you crazy person.
Don’t talk about when you had your baby unless you’re asked – I don’t care if it was yesterday or 30 years ago. Your story has literally nothing to do with theirs. It doesn’t make anyone feel better, except you if you like the sound of your own voice. Nobody wants to hear that their experience was so much better or so much worse than yours. Nobody wants to hear how they used to recommend so-and-so when your kids were young. Seriously no one.
Don’t comment on their house keeping – They aren’t blind, they can see the mess. There are more important things to worry about than dirty dishes when baby comes home, keeping them alive for one thing. They will get to it when they have time and energy, and if they don’t it will wait. Some moments are those you will never get back.
Last and what I feel is most important
DON’T POST THINGS ON FACEBOOK – If you’re lucky enough to be at the hospital while the mom is in labor, don’t post how far along things are. Seriously the world does not need to know how far someone has dilated. Hell the mother probably doesn’t want to think about that. Further to that, don’t even think about sharing details about the baby before the parents do. Certain people deserve a phone call. Even after the details have been shared, don’t post pictures of other people’s children on the internet without their permission. This rule never changes, and should never be questioned. This is one I will really be putting my foot down on soon. Not just about the new baby, but my older kids as well.
Considering doing any of these things? Seriously just don’t. My baby isn’t even born yet and I know all of these things have or will happen.
Is there anything you would add to the list? Let me know in the comments. Don’t agree with something I said, let me know that too.