Who I am.

ask-questions

I type that with false confidence. In actuality, that period should become a question mark. A few days ago, while I was experiencing some writer’s block, a friend suggested I write about myself. As my 27th birthday is quickly approaching – tomorrow – it makes sense. I reflect on my kids on their birthday, why not myself? So I sat down and started.

I am a 26-year-old – almost 27 – wife and mother of 3 boys.

That was it. I started to wonder at what point I started to allow that to become my identity.  I can’t pinpoint it, in fact, I don’t know if I have ever been my own person. My whole life I have been the little or older sister, the daughter, the friend, the girlfriend, the ex, the wife, and the mother.  Not that there is anything wrong with those things, I love being all of them;  I wouldn’t change any of them, except maybe the ex. I have spent the entirety of my life being forgetful and even encouraged it. I can, and do, blend into the background so much that people are able to walk past me and never even see me. I ran into someone from highschool a few ears ago and spoke to them and they didn’t have a clue who I am. I introduce myself as Blaynes wife, Levi and Hunters mom, Shylos sister. Never as myself.  It is time to change that.

I’m not sure why that is, but I suspect that it has a lot to do with my lack of self-confidence. I have never been happy with myself. I vow to change that this year, or at least make an effort to change it. I am not sure what exactly this is going to entail. It may just be me losing weight. It may be me spending some time alone. It may be me finding a hobby that I love. It may be any combination of these or something else entirely.

Far to often this is the case. Not just with me, but with everyone. Women more than men for whatever reason. Yes, I am a mother, daughter, sister, wife and friend. I am all of these things. They help define me, but they are not me. Who am I and what I am are not interchangeable. Who YOU are and what YOU are not either. What you are is only a part of you, far to often the focus on just that. I know this will  not be an overnight process, but rather a life long one. One that is ever-changing and evolving. People change. I will change, but I hope that with those changes I am still able to establish that I am me, not who someone else makes me.

I am going to start the journey now. with a glass of wine and a bath.

Cheers to my last night as 26-year-old me.

mad-mommy

 

Diary of an imperfect mum

Dear Bear and Beany

18 thoughts on “Who I am.

    1. yes, I have noticed often peoples self description is based entirely around their children and family, and while they are a a large part of it you need to keep track of yourself as well.

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  1. Happy Birthday! I feel like my 30’s have really been my “me” years. I feel more comfortable in my own skin, know who I am and what I want. I have a feeling you’re already on your way there!

    #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Completely agree. I took the step when my eldest was 11 months old and started university.. then found out I was pregnant again in my first year, soldiered through it, took a term out and went back while the boys stayed at home with daddy. It gets harder and harder to become your own self the more children that you have I think because there becomes less time in the day! #sharingthebloglove

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  3. Happy birthday lovely lady. Once you have kids they can become all consuming that it feels like you exist only for them most days. Well done on reaffirming your identity. Sometimes all it takes is a glass of wine in the bath for you to just have some space on your own. Heck, being in the bathroom on your own is a real treat these days. Enjoy your journey! #ABloggingGoodTime

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  4. Happy birthday! I think so many mothers can relate to this. I know I’m guilty of defining myself by my relationships with other people, and it’s so easy in the midst of motherhood to find your sense of self slipping away. Well done on taking the step to define who you are – I thoroughly recommend a hobby, it carves out time for you, as well as giving you a focus. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Being parent is the worst for this because it consumes you for the rest of your life. I just need to remember that while I am a parent I was someone before I was a parent as well.

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